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04 September 2007

Plus-Sized My Ass!

By: Kelley Lynn
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Okay, it is time to get this out in the open where everyone can hear it. Consider this a big giant SCREAM in written language. I will not type the entire blog in capital letters (internet speak for yelling) because I imagine that would be incredibly annoying to read. So I will just inform you ahead of time that the general mood of this particular blog is ANGRY. Why so angry, you may ask? Well thanks for asking. You are very kind. Well, dear readers, I am angry because I am not a Size 2, or a 4, or even an 8. I am not even a Size 10. Or 12. Still with me? Because I can go higher. I probably have your curiosity now about my size and weight. Well I'm not going to tell you what I weigh, but I will say that my size varies depending on store, brand, time of month, what I've eaten, and about a zillion other components. Normally, I fall somewhere between a size 18 - 22. Now you men out there will read that statement and not understand how someone can "fall between" all those sizes. Well, we can. I can go into one store and buy jeans that are an 18, and go into another store and buy jeans that are a 22. Sometimes this happens in the same store!!! This is why it takes us girls so long to shop. It is not something I enjoy doing. So you can imagine that if I have that sort of trouble buying jeans, what I would run into while trying to choose a wedding gown. Let's just say that I predicted this process would be a total nightmare ahead of time, so I was prepared.

 

 

The world of weddings is not made for the non-skinny. Hell, its not even made for the average woman who is much smaller than me. No, the world of weddings is apparently made for girls who look like small boys and date men that walk around nude. Why do I make such a ridiculous statement? Well because these are the typical pictures we find in most bridal magazines. Pictures of "brides" who look to be about a Size 0, draped in some horrible "dress" that resembles a curtain, and behind them is a naked man, sometimes with wings. Yes, wings. What is the meaning of this? Have you ever dated a nude man with wings growing out of him? Or married one? If any of you have, please let me know, and I promise you I will retract this entire article. I do not understand who these bridal magazines are targeting. It certainly isn't me, or any of my friends. Or anyone I know down here in the real world. Because in our world, our men are dressed in suits or tuxes on our weddings day, and guess what? We are probably smiling! We are happy. All of the women in the bridal mags look as if they are suffering from the worst case of p.m.s imagineable. They never smile. They look pissed! Or maybe they just need a sandwich. In any case, most of these magazines did not help me when I was shopping for a wedding gown. They only made me more insecure and quite frankly, confused. 

If I thought the magazines were bad, that was a picnic compared to walking into the bridal shops. You would think I was an actual elephant walking in there, instead of a bride-to-be who happens to be overweight, from the rude stares and comments I would receive. Some of the staff, who were mostly on the tiny side, treated me with a condescending voice, as if I was a 4year old child instead of simply fat. "Hi there. We don't carry Plus Sizes on the floor. You have to get them special ordered, okaaaay?" Gee, could you say it a little louder? I dont think the entire store quite heard you humiliating me. Trying on a dress I liked was even worse. They would either lie like hell about how beautiful I looked when the dress clearly didnt fit or looked awful on me, or they would say something like, "Sweetie, you'll probably want to go with something along these lines, so it will help to hide all of those problem areas." Problem areas? Okay that is it. I am out of here. I tried on ONE dress in one shop before I gave up on the idea altogether. I just couldn't do it. I don't enjoy phony salespeople judging me based on my looks, while simultaneously trying to sell me something that is very expensive. Maybe its just me, but I sort of like dealing with people who don't think I am a piece of crap for no reason.

So I had my dress made by a seamstress. A woman named Dianne who is a good friend of my mother's and has been making dresses and clothing for a long time. She was wonderful. I went to her house, she offered me tea, and she never once used the term "plus-size" or anything else that would embarass me. She made me feel like I would be beautiful on my wedding day, and together we created the dress that I felt completely comfortable in. It was great.

Some of these bridal shops, magazines, and the wedding industry in general should take a cue from people like Diane who have their own part-time business that they run with care out of their homes. Treat people with kindness. If someone is overweight, chances are, they are full aware of their size, and do not need a constant reminder from you about how difficult it will be to find you something to make you look human. Make people feel welcome, not fat.

 

Email kelley at kelleyiskelley@gmail.com

 

Comments

  • emmmma wrote on September 4, 2:44 pm:
    Amen. I had also prepared myself for not being able to try a lot of gowns on when I went dress shopping. I had NOT prepared myself for not being able to try on ANY. I was totally disregarded at most shops I went into and told that their floor gowns are usually only in size 6 or 8. I'm just wondering who *does* try on gowns in the store? Even the skinniest girl I know couldn't zip up in the store - she is usually a size 6 or 8, but the gown she ended up getting was a 10. I ended up buying my dress online without trying it on, and having to get it taken in about 2 sizes because of it. How hard is it for stores to carry at least 2 or 3 basic styles in plus sizes just for reference?
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  • rmb041407 wrote on September 8, 8:23 pm:
    I couldn't have said it better myself! I hated myself for the bridal magazines that I bought. And it was probably only about 4 within a year. I quickly saw that all the dresses were ridiculous looking or ridiculously overpriced! And yeah the whole size 0 model - seriously! I don't think I've ever seen a bride who even came close to resembling what I see in those magazines!

    And I wonder, those women who are so degrading in the bridal stores - are they even married?
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  • lilysolovely wrote on October 3, 11:52 am:
    I went to the shop recently - and the lady with a nasty attitude (which developed as soon as I said I am not interested in buying today, I need to try on many different styles and find out what looks good on me) she said 'well, then we'll just try on a couple' - and took me to the plus sizes immediately - without measuring - and told me I was size 22 (I am 16 in street clothes) and proceeded to go up to size 32 while showing me dresses. I asked my MOH to ask for a different lady, cause everytime she looked away, I couldn't concentrate of anything but silently communicating to my maid of honor how much I hated the lady. The new, nice lady - actually DID the work and lo and behold - I am actually a size 18 in wedding dresses, and when the 32's were falling off me, new, nice lady asked "what was she thinking?" - I am certain she ( a skinny old bag) was thinking - "fat is fat, and if this fatty has no intention of buying today - I have no intentions of properly helping her" - I find they way we are treated and charged more for all the EXTRA fabric , to be a gross representation of the treatment that brides get if they do not look like the magazine wedding zombies - come ON, if they did not make them to fit only miniscule people in the first place - the fabric would not BE considered extra, it would be the norm - seeing as how the average woman in America is size 14, last I checked. Great blog Kel!
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  • abby wrote on February 3, 9:20 pm:
    I hate to say it...but have some self respect and lose weight before you get married. And to skinny girls...we really don't see a difference between size 16 and size 32. Sorry!
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  • Julia wrote on February 11, 6:15 pm:
    I agree with Abby, like serious, you’re large, yeah what can we call you if not "plus sized" extra large? “Too big for every dress in this store”??? If you hate being reminded how fat you are, lose the weight! It’s not like it’s something that can't be changed!! It’s not their fault the store doesn’t carry YOUR size get over it, we aren't all size 0's stop hating skinny girls and thinking we all have major attitudes because we're not overweight like you. Most of us work very hard (and no not by starving ourselves) but with healthy diet and exercise to achieve this weight, and figure. What magazine are you looking at with nude men in wings??? And no, you don't have to look like them and be dead skinny and not smile but you know what, only girls of healthy weight, not suffering anorexia or size 16's and 18's or 22’s!! Only healthy fit girls look good in wedding dresses and anything else for that matter, stop bitching and blaming us fit girls for your body issues, why don't you go for a nice jog honey?? :)
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  • Danille wrote on February 15, 11:30 am:
    Abby and Julia, I can not believe how cruel you two are. Your posts were very uncalled for. Did your mommas not teach you that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all? What in the world do you think you're getting from being so mean to other people? It just makes you look like classless teenagers, evil classless teenagers. Where are your souls? It's just not okay to say things like that. Respectable people treat people with respect. I feel very sorry for your friends, if you have any, and your families. There is something lacking in your personalities. Maybe therapy or medication can cure what ails you. I recommend getting help right away.
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  • BrideoramaKelley wrote on February 17, 8:20 pm:
    Wow. Thanks Danille. Julia and Abby.. I dont even have a comment to you except to say that my post about being plussized was written with humor. I was in no way "bitching" or any of the other ridiculous things you have said. I wont say anything else because you have both made your true colors completely clear with your own evil posts. You dont need my help in looking like complete a-holes. You have done a pretty good job of that all on your own. I did not say anything cruel to either of you ..it was merely a humorous blog about how the industry sees plus-sized females. The fact that you both took such offense to it and took it so personally speaks volumes about your own self-confidence. I dont give a crap what size you are honestly.. I just care WHO you are and you both sound mean as hell.
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  • Brooke (anon) wrote on February 17, 10:45 pm:
    Ok I have to agree with you Kelly. I'm not perfect, but I'm not skinny!! and as for Abby and Julia-why the stab...nothing was directed to you. And yes you should strive to be healthy but you don't have to make a stab at someone like it was diredted to you personally. Obviously your mothers taught you how to lack kindness. There is a way to express your thought with out being soo defensive!!!!!
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  • Cindy (guest) wrote on May 6, 12:51 am:
    Okay, both sides of the board here. To Abby and Julia: yes, people should eat healthily and exercise. But often times, even when people eat healthily and exercise, they do not manage to wear 6's, 8's, whatever it is you two obviously wear. I, for example, run in marathons constantly, visit the gym at least 5 days in the week, and eat a diet high in grains and fruits/veggies, and drink nothing but water--and yet, girls, I am often somewhere between a 12 and a 14. By your standards, and the standards of the magazine world out there, I am plus-size, despite the fact that the average woman in America is currently my size. One thing you need to keep in mind is that the standard of beauty is currently in flux from what it has been through the rest of human existence: now it is in to be scrawny and to have DD breasts, but most of the time in the past, it was considered most beautiful when a woman had meat on her bones with B/C cup breasts.

    To the rest of you ladies: Yes, the girls did say things in a cruel manner, but I have to blame society on this and not they themselves. What they did was not "evil" in that sense; simply a matter of how they were raised on magazines and tv shows that taught them nothing but the fact that men and their fellow people only want size 4's in tube tops and low-rise jeans. In cases such as these, it is best to educate rather than get angry or accuse. It's a hard trial, but we need to work. :)
    reply to comment

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