Everybody loves a good wedding. Most of us, especially women, love being invited to someone's wedding.

We love going to the shower, shopping for gifts for the happy couple and especially attending the actual celebration. Most of us love weddings so much that we attend many of them gladly in our lifetime; supporting our friends and family members time and time again in their moment of everlasting love.

HOWEVER ... for every great wedding we attend, there are also many that we don't particularly enjoy. In today's world, we all hear so much about the bride's demands, what the bride wants, all hail the great and powerful bride!!! Well, I thought it was time to turn the tables and find out what the GUESTS want. Or more importantly, what they don't want.

So in order to get an honest, outside perspective from real women who have attended many weddings in their time, I polled a few friends on the message boards over at brides.com. After asking them their biggest pet peeves and dislikes about weddings from a guest's point of view, and after adding my own take on the issue, I am now proud to present to you my latest top 11 list.

Our top 11 biggest wedding complaints ... from your GUESTS 

1. Invitation Proclamations — Of course, as a guest invited to your wedding, we enjoy receiving the invitation in the mail, admiring it; looking at how beautiful it is. But there are a lot of things about invitations that make us ... well... unhappy. Pamela from Massachusetts doesn't like it when the directions included are bad, or especially when there ARE no directions provided at all. Pam and many others also made it clear that they do not want to see registry information anywhere inside the invite, or worse, ON the actual invite. In fact, it is really best to have no mention at all of gifts anywhere on a wedding invitation. Why? Because it implies that you are "expecting" a gift, and technically, gifts are optional. So putting detailed wording about all the stores where you would like gifts from is, well, tacky. It also doesn't do much to make your guests feel welcome. And speaking of feeling welcome, another popular complaint regarding invites is when a fiance or live-in partner is not directly invited to the wedding, but instead written in as "and guest" on your invite. This is acceptable if your guest is clearly single and dating openly, but when a guest has been living with their partner or FIANCE for more than two years and you don't include them on the invite, that just gives us an icky feeling.

2. There will Be a three-hour intermission after the ceremony — As guests, we understand that sometimes there has to be a time gap in between the ceremony and reception. That is fine and totally acceptable. But when you feel as if you could go see a movie, get some dinner and then perhaps finish that novel you've been meaning to write — all in enough time to make it back before cocktail hour, then perhaps you are making your guests wait too long. C.J. from North Carolina puts it best: "I don't enjoy waiting in a banquet hall listening to Muzak while sipping the half cup of warm Pepsi I just spent on for three hours so the wedding party can take 6,000 pictures." A good solution to this issue? Try taking some or all of your formal pictures before the ceremony, or if that's impossible; provide your guests with a place to go or a list of things to do in the area during the interim.

3. The never-ending toast — When you are the happy couple, being toasted is fun. Wow. All these people talking about us, saying how much they love us, telling funny stories! What could be better? Well, a route canal, for one. Sure, toasts and speeches are great fun, and if you have someone who knows how to keep it short, sweet and get the crowd on their side, they can be a hugely memorable part of the reception. But so many times, this is not the case. Sue from Michigan hates when the "Best Man is drunk, goes on and on, thinking everyone is interested and laughing at himself." And she is right. There is nothing worse than some drunk, rambling guy. With a microphone. And 200 people listening. Kristen from Edmontun adds, "I prefer short, heartfelt speeches. Why do you want 10 different people droning on and on for an hour?" Well, Kristen, you don't. And your guests don't either. So make sure whoever is toasting you is not only sober, but a willing participant. At our wedding, my matron of honor made it clear that she did not want to do a toast, because she hates public speaking. So I told her that was fine, and spared both her and our guests from the awkwardness of a forced toast.

4. The obnoxious disc jockey — Let's face it. There are great D.J.s, so-so D.J.s, and then there are D.Js from Hell. I think most of us have at one time experienced the Hell version. You know, the one who will not stop talking during the songs, making loud noises such as "yahoo!" and "woo hoo!" way too often, and talking in that annoyingly phony put-on voice. The D.J. from Hell can literally ruin a wedding reception. Just ask Lauren in Georgia: "He literally would not shut up. For every one song he played, it was another five minutes of him jabbering on about nothing. He also advertised his own services out loud several times during our reception." Dana from New Jersey finds all of the organized dances that some D.J.s do to be just as irritating. "I hate being forced into doing stupid games," she says. " No, I don't want the centerpiece, and no, I don't want to limbo for it." Perhaps the most infuriating thing about the D.J. from Hell is when they are so busy congratulating themselves, that they forget to do their job! "I missed all the important parts of the reception like the cake-cutting and formal dances, because the D.J. never announced anything," chimes in Liz from Illinois. Basically, most of us love to have fun and dance — we just don't enjoy being told when to do so or being "forced" into it when we would rather sit at the table and talk to friends or eat more food.

5. I now pronounce you husband and ... RIIINNNGGGG!

Cell phones are only one of many pet peeves that your guests have about the ceremony. Others include roasting in a dress and pantyhose during an outdoor ceremony on the hottest day of the year, not providing chairs for guests and making them stand uncomfortably in their dress clothes, and not being able to see anything thats going on. Even more annoying, not being able to hear. Misha from New York might have been moved to tears when her friends exchanged their vows ... too bad she couldn't hear them. There was no microphone or any kind of sound system, so unless you were the minister, it probably sounded a lot like how the teachers speak on "The Peanuts" cartoon. "Waah ... waah waaah waah waah. Waaah." Another common complaint? Excessively long religious rituals or customs without any explanation about them. A good solution? Let your guests know what the meaning of such rituals inside your ceremony program. Like Dana from New Jersey says, "It helps if your guests know what they're watching." Yes, Dana, it certainly does.

6. Some traditions just need to go away — and, according to a lot of the women I spoke to over on brides.com, it seems that not many of us guests enjoy the bouquet-and-garter ritual anymore. I know I don't. We chose to do the aAnniversary dance instead at our wedding (check out one of the questions over in the Get Advice section to read more about that). But back to the bouquet. Erin in Florida explains that the bouquet toss is embarrassing "for the bride, the crazy girls who will knock over a grandma to catch the bouquet or the poor girl that is being dragged onto the dance floor against her will for the toss." As for the garter, Lauren and many others find it "just plain creepy." She goes on to say that the creepy factor goes up when the groom is blindfolded, or when the couple does a version of the garter removal using children. Oh, so creepy.

7. Musical Chairs — The seating chart. Probably one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning for a lot of brides. So let me start by saying that I think your Guests understand this and sympathize. Still though, most of our sympathies end when we are seated next to the air duct or next to the smelly restroom in the corner, almost as if we are in a different room entirely. The bigger the wedding, the more complicated the seating. But certain things should be simple. Like ... seating people who are family together. Jenn in New York thinks that some couples do the seating chart as if its roulette wheel, asking "Why would you purposely put me with people I don't know, when my sister is at the very next table?" Sarah in D.C. went to a wedding in which her fiance was in the wedding party. He was seated at the head table. And where was she? "I was forced into a far corner of the room with complete strangers." So while doing your seating charts brides, keep in mind that a lot of your guests will be spending a lot of their time at that table. Do your best to make them as comfortable as possible.

8. Food and Drink —This category had maybe the most amount of replies and variations of complaints. I think it is safe to say that your guests feel very passionate about their food! And water. A lot of women wrote about servers not refilling water glasses, or worse, having to pay for water at a reception. Other ladies don't mind if the bride and groom have a cash bar, but they would like to be informed ahead of time so they can prepare for it and have some, uh, cash. Now, when it comes to the food, opinions were strong that there should be more than one option on the menu. Kat from Georgia states, "Sorry, but I don't eat red meat. What about the vegetarians?" Another popular peeve is the buffet. Not the buffet itself, but how it is handled. Erin in West Virginia hates waiting in a long line for the buffet table, or being the last table to be allowed to go up and eat. Her solution? "We had the soup and salad courses served at the table, and our guests really loved that." Anne Marie in New Jersey adds that some venues take so long to complete dinner service that it ends up cutting into the all-important dancing time. Other issues include passed hors d'oeuvres that are hard to get at, and heavy dishes stuffed with cheeses and cream sauces.

9. Please Say Thank You — Just as with the invitations, your guests love receiving the "thank-you" letter after the wedding is all said and done. That is, of course, if they ever receive it. Suzanne in Oregon thinks its quite rude for a couple to never send a thank you note, and I agree! "I took the time to spend money on a nice gift for you, but you can't take 10 seconds to thank me for it?" she says. Another recent fad that seems tacky to us are those "preprinted "thank you" notes." You know, the ones where the message is already typed into the card and all the couple has to do is sign it. Wow. Talk about insulting! Now it's too much trouble to write a sentence or two about the gift I sent you, and maybe how nice it was to see me at the wedding? Hmmm, maybe I should have taken that second hundred-dollar bill out of your gift envelope during the second half of the reception after all (don't judge me ... you have thought about doing that too). Maybe worse than no "thank you" note is an unsettling phone call, like the one that Cailee in Kentucky got after her friend's wedding. "The couple called us to see where the gift was bought, so that they could return it." Now that's class!

 

 

10. Stupid Themes — The common thought on this seems to be that although a simple theme for a wedding can be nice, it seems to have gotten a bit out of hand. Eve makes the point that some brides get "too caught up in the wedding being some kind of beauty pageant or fashion show," instead of a simple celebration of the couple's love and new life together. Sarah in D.C. has this to add: "A girl I know is having a Cinderella-themed wedding, and I can't even listen to her talk about it anymore, because it makes me want to puke!" Please don't puke Sarah. That would clearly ruin your friend's happy Disney theme. Hey girls, the point is this: Themes are fine with your guests for the most part, as long as it makes sense. If you have a wedding theme, it should reflect who you and your groom are as people. For example, my entire life, I have loved the Christmas holiday. My husband proposed to me under the Rockefeller Center tree in NYC. I always pictured a Christmas-themed wedding with small holiday touches. So we did that, and it was very much a reflection of who I am as a person. Also, don't let your theme get in the way of the actual meaning of the day. If you are more concerned about whether your gold napkins fit in with your medieval theme than you are with the wording of the vows, then you need to reset your priorities. Again.

 

 
11. Act Happy, DAMMIT! — When all is said and done, a great wedding comes down to the atmosphere and the people. If the couple is truly happy and having a great time, it is obvious. And if they are not ... well, its obvious. And there is nothing worse than being at a wedding where there is tension in the air. Tension between family members, the couple, anyone involved in the wedding planning. As a guest, its sort of like when you go over to your married friend's house, and they argue the entire time you are there and act as if you aren't there. Hello? Im standing right here. Are you really fighting right in front of me? Well its even worse at a wedding. Whatever you went through to put this shindig together — all that stress, planning, fighting with in-laws — now is not time to rehash it during the reception. I will leave Jan from Arizona with the last word on this subject. "The wedding should be a happy occasion. Hearing the bitterness of others can really bring the mood crashing down, even if it's overheard only casually."

 

Perhaps just as uncomfortable as watching tension is being ignored completely at a wedding. In my opinion, if you dont have a chance to say, "hello" to everyone that came to your celebration, than you have too many people there. Your guest's arent expecting much, really. Janet from Texas is only after "a hug and a 'hello' is great. Just some sort of acknowledgement that I was there at their wedding."

So when you are planning your wedding; brides, please stop to think about one of the most important factors to your big day ... your guests. The people who love you, support you and made time and effort to be there for you on this day. And in return, you can treat them with respect — and most of all, just be happy.

As always, your opinions are welcome here. As a wedding guest, what are your biggest complaints? What drives you crazy about weddings?

E-mail kelley at kelleyiskelley@gmail.com